


Hell On Earth

by sasukewasameme



Series: Eren Angst [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Abuse of Authority, Abused Eren Yeager, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Commander Erwin Smith, Dark, Depressed Eren Yeager, Depression, Erwin Smith Being an Asshole, Fucked Up, Grooming, Hurt Eren Yeager, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It Gets Worse, Levi thinks Eren is lying, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prostitution, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Running Away, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Coercion, Suicidal Eren Yeager, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The Underground (Shingeki no Kyojin), Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasukewasameme/pseuds/sasukewasameme
Summary: Eren's being abused by his Commander and his Captain won't believe him. To make things worse, the Commander uses his power to separate his friends from him. Every day is hell for Eren and things keep getting worse and worse. Will he survive the abuse and his struggles or will he ultimately give up and die?
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager
Series: Eren Angst [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031976
Comments: 33
Kudos: 157





	1. Chapter 1

It starts small. After training in front of Commander Erwin, the Commander walks to Eren and puts his hand on Eren's shoulder. And that's fine; that's normal. But then his hand lingers, as if he doesn't want to let go of Eren's shoulder. Eren looks at him, confused, but before he can begin to question anything, Erwin removes his hand from Eren's shoulder after a soft, friendly squeeze. 

The next signs are when Erwin goes out of his way to talk to Eren, usually giving the boy advice. But then advice turns to the man telling Eren his worries and concerns. And Eren, always one to help, listens to his problems because he thinks that's what the Commander needs: someone who will just listen.

As Commander Erwin sucks up Eren's sweet compassion, he moves on to the next step: touching. The touching starts off similarly to how he touched Eren's shoulder that one time. He lets his touches linger often until Eren grows used to the strange touches. 

Then, Erwin grows more impatient. More needy. Grows more perverted and more courageous. He begins his perverted thoughts with touching Eren's thigh lightly. He knows he has to take it slow. He needs to get Eren used to the touch so he won't upset the boy. The touching of Eren's thighs is enough to fulfill his fantasies for days. But then, he needs more.

Erwin continues by rubbing his hand over Eren's thigh in a circular motion, feeling the outside of Eren's thigh, moving circularly to the inside of Eren's thigh, and rounds his way back to the outside of Eren's thigh. As the days pass, Erwin lets his hand linger on the inside of Eren's thigh, closer to the crotch area. 

Again, his fantasies are once again fulfilled. He knows Eren is uncomfortable with him touching his thigh but that look of fear and embarassment on Eren's face just turns him on. The more his fantasies come true, the more he craves even more. His thoughts grow stronger and wronger every time he's done touching Eren. 

Eren is in a predicament. On one hand, he wants the Commander to stop touching his thighs like that. On the other hand, he doesn't want to make a big deal out of something that probably means nothing. So, ultimately, he decides to keep his mouth shut no matter how embarassed and uncomfortable the touching makes him feel.

But then comes a day when Erwin is visiting Eren once again and he sits next to Eren on the boy's bed before he brings his hand down to touch the boy's thigh like usual. Only this time, he moves closer to Eren's crotch than usual. Eren gasps a little and looks up quickly to see Erwin's reaction. Erwin is raising an eyebrow and Eren feels stupid for gasping at nothing. 

But then the Commander circles his hand around Eren's thigh again before the hand travels up and over Eren's crotch. Eren grabs the man's hand and pushes it away. He looks around the room, making sure no one saw that even though he knows there's no one else in the room. 

Then, he says shakily, "what're you doing?" But Erwin's face is covered in a cloud of lust. Eren spots Erwin's own pants and sees a tent where his penis is supposed to be. The man is impossibly hard. Before Eren can do anything at all, Erwin attacks Eren. 

The Commander pushes Eren further onto the bed and crawls on top of him. Eren struggles helplessly. He doesn't want to be seen in such a sexual position but he swallows his pride and decides crying for help is more important than keeping his pride at the moment. "Help!" He yells. The Commander takes both of Eren's hands into his hand and holds them above his head. 

Erwin snakes his hand down to where Eren's penis is and starts tracing it lightly with his index finger. Eren's struggling makes him accidentally press his front against Erwin's palm. The pressure turns Eren on and he's never been so confused.

Even though Eren's a teenager, he's never had the time to masturbate. He knows how kids are made but he doesn't even know some of the basics about sex and masturbation. Since he's never had an erection before, he finds himself confused about why his penis is trying to stand up.

Erwin takes this as a chance to unzip Eren's pants and pulls them down. Then, slowly and carefully, he pulls Eren's underwear down. Eren struggles hard then, kicking his legs as hard as he can. Then, Erwin lifts Eren's shirt up and takes his free hand to play with Eren's nipples. 

Eren squirms and the Commander brings his tongue to them and laps at them as fast as his tongue will go. Eren let's out a confused noise of pleasure and Erwin's penis twitches. He has to force himself not to touch himself and then he trails down Eren's stomach to his penis.

After giving it a quick, close look, he take it into his mouth and sucks as hard as he can. Eren groans and involuntarily moves his hips. He can feel something good growing stronger and stronger. He's gasping and keening for more and then he's spurting stuff from his penis. It's the best feeling he's ever felt in the world. 

Eren's left gasping for breath and for some reason, he feels like he wants to cry. So, he does. A flood of tears comes up and leaks out through his eyes. He's crying loudly. He doesn't know what he feels like. Doesn't know exactly how to describe it. It's similar to the feeling of guilt. He just feels awful about himself and the world feels dark. 

Then, the Commander flips Eren around and finally undoes his pants. Eren isn't sure what else he's going to do to him but in a way, he's looking forward to it. He hates the extreme embarassment he feels but he loves the pleasure. 

The Commander spreads Eren's arse cheeks and Eren has never felt such emberassment in his life. He feels gross. The man runs his index finger down his crack and feels where his hole is before replacing his finger with his penis. Eren, in his emberassment, asks him to stop. 

As if to be defiant, the man pushes in in one, large thrust. Eren screams. The pain is unbearable. "Stop, stop, stop, stop. Pleeaaaassssse." He cries out. He looks behind him at the Commander's face and sees that the man isn't listening. He's too busy fucking into him. Too full of pleasure to care. Eren takes a deep breath and yells out as loud as he possibly can. When no one comes, he does it again.

He screams until his vocal cords are strained and his throat is bleeding. 

It feels like it'll never stop. Eren begs for someone, anyone, to help. He'll, he wouldn't care if Jean walked in the room. He just needs someone to stop this. He even begst the gods of the Walls and God himself. God is supposed to come help whenever something bad is happening that you can't fix by yourself. 

He never does. 

Eren is convinced he's being torn apart and reaches down to his anus, trying to get the big violator out of there. But it doesn't leave. Eren cries until his tears won't come anymore. He's numb now. And he just lays there and takes it. He's felt wet stuff squirt inside him a few times already. 

When will this man be done?

Half an hour and a heartbreak later, Erwin cums one last time before collapsing on top of Eren. Eren can't breathe with him on top of him and vomits all over the bed. He feels sick from what's been done to him. Erwin doesn't seem like he'll move anytime soon and Eren's head is digging into his pool of vomit. 

He's suffocating and his body cares that he might die but his heart and soul don't. After a few minutes of choking on his own vomit as his Titan Shifter body attempts to heal itself, he passes out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on making the rape scenes less graphic as I get the intensity and wrongness Eren feels down.

Eren wakes up with clothes on and tucked into his bed. At first, he thinks someone may have discovered him and helped him but then he realizes Erwin is the one who cleaned him in an attempt to wipe any evidence away.

Eren doesn't know what to do. Should he tell Captain Levi? 

No. He can handle this on his own. He'd rather handle it on his own than have everybody find out what happened to him. It's too embarrassing. Besides, there's the fact that Erwin is considered a more trustworthy source than he is. People are more likely to believe the Commander's word over his. 

Eren hears footsteps coming down to the cellar. "Ah! You're awake!" Hange says when she sees him. Levi is trailing behind her and leans against Eren's cell, arms crossed. "Do you remember what happened to you? You were passed out for two days. That's longer than ever before." Hange asks. 

Eren doesn't know what to say so he just shrugs. Levi doesn't like that answer. "You were passed out for two days and you don't know why?" Eren just shrugs once more. He hates their sceptical stares. He feels as if they can see right through him. As if they know how he's been violated and used. 

He hates this. He knows. Just knows that he'll never be the same after what happened. He can fake smile, fake laugh, and fake passion but he'll always have something inside him that's not the same. Something that's dark. Something that's broken. And he's not sure if he'll ever be fixed again.

Eren feels tension in the air. They want answers and he's not going to give them any. Eventually, Captain Levi sighs and takes out the key to Eren's cell. "Wait; we need to question him," says Hange. Levi gives her a careless glance. "He's 15. All 15 year old kids have secrets. Doesn't mean it'll reveal anything about the truth of Titans." 

Hange clearly wants to argue but lets it go for now. Levi unlocks Eren's cell and opens the squeaky door. "C'mon. We've got training to do." Eren's stomach feels queazy at the mention of training because Commander Erwin will probably be there.

They make it out to the training field when Eren spots the man. The man turns his head to look at him and he quickly averts his eyes, hoping Erwin didn't catch his glance. During training, Eren does everything he can to both hide the fact that anything happened from everyone all the while trying to avoid the Commander in every way. 

At lunch, he usually eats while talking with the Commander. Today, though, he avoids sitting with the man. This strikes as odd to everyone. No one expects him to sit with the rest of the squad for lunch so when he joins them, there's no room. They make him fit though.

"So, why aren't you with the Commander?" Armin asks "Yeah, did you get tired of him?" Asks Connie. "Only Eren would get tired of the Commander of the entire strongest army in the Walls," says Jean. Eren feels sick. It's not that he's tired of the man but rather that he's scared of the man. He can't finish eating. He's just not hungry. 

He can feel his violator's eyes on him at all time and he feels naked. He wishes the man was blind so he couldn't undress him and fuck him with his eyes. Eren gives into temptation and looks at the Commander, judging the expression on his face. He regrets it immediately. The man has a friendly smile on his face as if he's the most harmless human to exist. 

And Eren is reminded that this is the man everyone else sees. If he hadn't gone through what he had and it happened to someone else, he'd also have a hard time believing that Erwin could do something so awful. Levi gets up and pulls a paper out of his pocket before throwing his trash away and heading over to the Commander.

When the Captain comes back, he yells out, "Yeager. The Commander wants to talk to you." Eren is filled with fear, embarassment, sadness, and grief. "What's the matter? Your superior asked you to do something." Eren has to make his feet carry him to the Commander regardless of his mind's protests. 

He wishes he was anywhere but here, going to meet with his personal violator. When he reaches the man, he puts on a smile to pretend nothing is going on. He pretends that this is any other day. "Let's talk elsewhere," says Erwin and Eren follows with a bad feeling in his gut.

Erwin leads him to their usual sitting spot and sits on their usual bench. He leaves room for Eren to sit and Eren hesitantly sits next to him. Erwin sets his hand on Eren's thigh and after what happened before, it feels like he's doing something sexual so Eren looks around to make sure no one sees before crossing his legs, making it harder to access his crotch.

Erwin doesn't look pissed but he's also definitely not happy about this. Then, Erwin starts to talk. "If you tell anyone, I'll kill both you and the person you tell. I could easily make it seem like an accident or suicide." And Eren feels a hit in the face. This is real. What happened the other day actually happened.

He'd thought he'd already accepted that this was reality but apparently not because it's hard for him to swallow down the fact that he's being threatened and manipulated into keeping his mouth shut about what happened. Eren wants to slap himself in the face so he can make himself wake up to the reality of things.

After a few minutes if letting himself process that this all is really happening and that he needs to keep his mouth shut about it, he nods his head slowly and shakily. He feels as if this one moment has aged him years older and he can already feel the worry lines coming to his face.

Then, Erwin 8s grabbing Eren's hair and pulling his head towards his own. He presses his lips to the teenager's and then lets go. "I have work to do but I'll come visit you tonight. 

The rest of the day, Eren tries finding a way, any way, out of this situation. The best and least favorable option is to run away. He knows running awaye I'll hurt his friends personally and humanity's chance of survival would plummet quite a bit. After thinking through many other solutions that wouldn't work out, he sees that the Commander has left him in a trap and there's no way to get out.

When Eren is locked in his cell that night, all he can do is wait in doom for Erwin to come violate him. He imagines himself attacking the man and setting himself free from this cage but none of his fantasies of escape are realistic and they're just that - fantasies. 

Erwin comes at 2 AM, when all soldiers are asleep. Eren is the only soldier still awake due to nervousness and he sits up when he sees Erwin's silhouette. Erwin unlocks the door as quietly as he can manage and enters the room. He has a lantern with him and sets it in the middle of the room. 

Erwin confidently pulls his pants and underwear down before saying. "Come here. On your knees in front of my penis." Eren gets up and sits on his knees a little too far away from Erwin's penis. Erwin moves forward and takes a breath shaky with lust. 

"Lick it." Eren doesn't know what to say. Isn't licking penises gross? You got to the bathroom with them. He remembers how good it felt when Erwin put his in his mouth but does it feel good to everyone? Isn't it wrong? Is pleasure like this illegal? 

He was always told that when he would someday marry, he'd be a man. Is it wrong to do these things before becoming a man? Eren has so many questions and feels so gross and violated. All the while Erwin is growing impatient and finally slaps his penis against Eren's face. The man's penis is wet. Why is it so wet? Did he pee? Does he want Eren to lick his pee? 

"If you don't do as I say, I'll kill both you and your friends." Some part of Eren would rather die than drink Erwin's pee while the other half of him doesn't want his friends to go down with him. So, he brings his face forward and, with a face, licks the liquid. 

Except this liquid is somewhat sticky. Pee isn't usually sticky, right? And it tastes weird. Like some sort of sour, liquiddy soup. He doesn't like the taste and the strange thick texture grosses him out. "Open your mouth." Eren opens his mouth slightly. "Do not bite or I will beat you." Eren feels fears at the threat and nods.

Then, Erwin shoves his penis into Eren's mouth and down his throat. Eren feels like he's choking and if Erwin keep this penis there longer, he's going to throw up on it. But before he can do that, Erwin pushes the penis back out again before shoving it in. He grabs onto Eren's hair and makes Eren bob his head up and down his penis. Eren coughs and gasps for air only to be choked over and over again with cock.

This is Erwin's first time having a blowjob from someone so inexperienced so when Eren does eventually throw up on his penis, he's surprised. But he's feeling too good to stop and he keeps moving his hips anyways. When he cums, he forces Eren's throat to swallow all of it and then he pulls out.

Eren's eyes are teared up from vomiting and he tastes blood in his throat. And just like last time, he feels so very wrong. When white liquid falls from his chin, he whiped it only to realize it's the same substance as what he licked earlier. So, did that mean that this was something other than piss? Eren sure hopes so.

Eren gets up dizzily and feels a heavy also on his cheek. He loses balance and falls to the floor. Erwin stands over the boy threateningly. "Did I tell you you could get up?" Eren shakes his head frantically. "Sorry," he says when he thinks Erwin will hit him again but Erwin doesn't look like he wants to for now.

"Let's move to he bed." Eren nods and gets up cautiously, hoping he's following orders correctly before heading to the bed. When Erwin comes over, he moves to get under the covers. And Erwin looks pissed. "How hard is it to train one dog?" He goes over to Eren's side of the bed, grabs his arms, drags him off the bed, and throws him onto the hard concrete floor aggressively. 

Unfortunately, the place is sound proofed so no one comes to save Eren when there's a loud thump. Eren groans. "Get up and do it right this time." Eren isn't exactly sure what the "right way" is when it comes to going to bed so he assumes how and hopes he does it right.

This time, he gets in the bed but doesn't get under the covers until Erwin gets in and okays it. He doesn't want to be hurt again so he he refuses to do anything until Erwin gives him permission. It's overwhelming and tiring. Eren doesn't want to do this. But he has to. 

After a few minutes, they're both laying on their left side and Erwin is running his hands over Eren's body. From his legs to his thighs, to his penis, to his abs, to his nipples, and to his neck before going back down again. Eren hates his touches. They pleasure him and he feels gross for that. 

Erwin's palm lands on Eren's penis and his hand sneaks below the teenager's underwear line. He grabs Eren's penis and pumps it. Eren gets hard immediately and cums fast with a cry. He's so confused and wishes he didn't feel good when being touched there. 

Does feeling good while being touched there make him a pervert? He doesn't want to be a pervert. He doesn't want to be disgusting. Doesn't want to be someone that others feel violated by and uncomfortable to be around. When Eren's done cumming, Erwin pulls the boy's pants and underwear down to lick up the liquid greedily. 

Eren grows hard again and Erwin is feeling his erection coming back so he enters Eren, who's just as incredibly tight as he was before, and fuckss him against the bed. He puts his hands on Eren's neck and squeezes, loving to see see the boy in pain, and cums quickly. 

Then, he leaves as if nothing happened, leaving Eren bleeding from his throat and arse.

Before Eren falls asleep, he realizes that his wounds aren't healing like they should be. He lets it go, though, for now, and cries himself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frick, dude. I read a really messed up ff today. It doesn't seem bad at first but it gets worse as you read it. That messed me up, dude. I got so triggered that I had to quit halfway through. (It was my fault that I got triggered. I was aware of the warnings while reading.) I'll link it just in case you guys want to read it but believe me when I say it messed me up. (It's also very well written.) Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2436122/chapters/5395217

The next day, Eren wants to shower immediately when he wakes up. He has blood and semen encrusted between his thighs and he feels disgusting. That's when he notices his throat still tastes bloody. There is no mirror in his room so he can't see his neck or face but when he lifts his shirt, he sees bruises on his hips.

Why hasn't he healed? This is bad. At this rate, Levi and Hange will be even more suspicious. Will he be able to pretend nothing is happening? He has to. He has to try. When Hange and Levi come to let him out of his cell, Hange gasps and Levi narrows his eyes. 

Eren can only assume his face and neck look just as bad as his hips. "Eren. What happened?" Asks Captain Levi. Eren, knowing that if he lies, he won't do it well, shrugs like how he had yesterday. "More importantly, why aren't his wounds healing?" Hange asks in both interest and worry. 

"Eren. Come with me. I'm going to run some tests." Eren nods once, a little hesitantly. Levi comes with. They reach Hange's testing room and she quickly puts together a few pages of questions so she can figure out what's wrong with Eren.

"First of all, I need to ask. What happened to you?" Eren looks down, unable to meet her eyes, afraid that she'll see how he's been abused. Eventually, he says, "I'm sorry. I can't say." Levi isn't satisfied with his answer at all and scowls. "Do we have to make a big deal about this or will you be honest with us so we can get over it quickly?"

Eren shakes his head and sighs. "I'm sorry, sir. I can't talk about it." Levi presses a hand to his temple irritatedly. "I'll have to report this to the Commander." Eren looks to the ground nervously at the mention of Erwin and Hange changes the subject by moving on to the next questions.

The questions are all simple doctor questions so he shouldn't be surprised when she asks, "what has your sexual activity been like recently?" but he finds himself surprised anyways. He answers with self hate and disgusted-ness. "I've been... active." He has guilt written all over his face. 

"Really? I'll have to ask you about that later," Hange notes. Eren hangs his head. He wishes she would drop it. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?" "15," says Eren, unsure if anal sex counts. Luckily, that's the last question she asks about sex. The first set of questions she set up are questions about his physical health. Everything turns out normal so she moves on. 

The next set of questions are about his mental health. Eren isn't sure whether to lie or not but he figures honesty is fine as long as he doesn't talk about what's been going on between him and the Commander. "How have you been feeling during this past week?"

"Awful," says Eren. "Any particular reason why?" "I can't say why." Hange nods and continues. "Any thoughts of suicide?" "Only a little." So far, he thinks. He can already tell he's heading down a path where he'll soon wish for death daily. He's already feeling unhinged. 

"Any thoughts of hurting yourself?" "Not yet." "You sound like you're expecting to," says the Captain. Eren's already been truthful up to this point so he might as well just stick with it. "Yeah," he confirms Levi's suspicion. "Humanity is in your hands, Eren. Do you know how much of a loss we'd have if you died?"

Eren knows he isn't comforting him but rather trying to get him to think about humanity but he appreciates hearing that his death would be a great loss. It means a lot to him in the moment. 

When Hange is done asking questions about his mental health, she doesn't take long to come up with a conclusion. "At first, I thought your wounds not healing had to do with the kids of your virginity which would've been bad because it would imply that your Titan powers likely would never come back unless you somehow regained your virginity."

The Commander just had to ruin everything, didn't he? 

"But, after going through the test results, the true answer became obvious and also turned out to be a relief. The answer as to why your wounds are not healing is because you're so stressed that you no longer have the willpower to heal yourself.

That's a relief because stress is curable."

The one thing that makes Eren's life worth living at the moment is that he can protect humanity with his Titan abilities. Without them, he's nothing. And it won't get better until he's stress free. That's the problem though; he won't be stress free as long as Erwin's around. So he might as well be considered useless for the rest of his life as a soldier.

Eren squeezed his fists and lowers his head in shame. "Then, I'll never get my abilities back again." "Don't mope. You will get your abilities back and, yes, that's an order," says Levi. Eren nods his head to please the Captain but he doesn't believe it'll actually happen.

"It would be much easier to bring your stress levels down if we knew what you're stressed about," Hange pushes. Eren really wants to te them but he's scared of how they'll react. They'd probably think he's sick and too young to do sexual stuff like that. So he shakes his head, refusing to tell them once again. 

Hange sighs. "Alright. You can go for now. We'll try to help you be stress free. Please come talk to us whenever you're feeling down." Eren nods and leaves the room with Levi to go train with the rest of the Squad. 

Training is harder than all of the other days. The bottom of his back and his anus hurts and walking is harder than usual. Levi ends up yelling at him to keep up multiple times. "Are you okay?" Asks Mikasa. "Did someone hurt you?" Eren shakes his head and changes the subject immediately every time she and Armin ask anything pertaining to his wounds. 

He knows he won't be able to keep up with distracting them forever so he'll tell them he got hurt while training when it comes to that. He hopes Erwin will stop leaving marks. That's the least he can do. At this rate, they'll be caught and they'll be caught soon.

Eren shakes his head. No. Not "they." Only Erwin. Erwin is the one doing shady things. Eren did nothing wrong. But for some reason he feels like he'll be in trouble if anyone finds out. He feels like he's done something wrong. Or maybe he just feels wrong in general.

The dreaded time for lunch comes and he's stuck between going to find Erwin and eating with his Squad to try to stay away from the man. Eren's stomach is filled with nervousness and he wonders where his passion and anger has gone. He tries to push away the nervousness to let some of his internal rage in and decides he'll stay with his squad. Why? Because fuck the bastard Erwin. That's why. 

And Eren feels a little more like himself than he has in the past couple of days. He feels more grounded. He can't let Erwin get to him. He won't let Erwin get to him. Why was he so scared of the man before? He's a Titan for God's sake. Erwin should be the one who's afraid of him. 

After some more thinking, Eren lets his anger engulf him fully. He's going to stand up to the Commander whether he likes it or not and he's going to do it now, while he has the courage (or stupidity) to do so. Just after sitting down, Eren jumps up and walks to his and Erwin's usual spot with more purpose than he'd give himself credit for. 

It's almost as if Erwin is waiting for his fits of anger when he reaches him which pisses him off even more. "Erwin," says Eren, not bothering to use formalities. After all, formalities represent respect and he'll never respect this man again. "First name basis already, Eren?" 

Eren grabs Erwin by the shirt and pulls his face close to his. "I didn't expect you to want a kiss now but if you insist..." Erwin leans forward to kiss the boy. This takes Eren aback and he composes himself before furrowing his brows in anger again. How dare this man try to touch him in a way he didn't want to be touched?

Eren pulls his right hand into a fist and as fast and as harsh as possible, he strikes his knuckles towards Erwin's face. He's surprised when his fist keeps getting closer and closer and Erwin doesn't stop him. He's almost scared that his fist really will connect with the abuser's face until a hand comes up to block the Commander's face.

Erwin blocks Eren's punch at the very last second and Eren feels... relief? Maybe he was scared about what would happen if he actually hit him. (Or maybe he's terrified of standing up for himself.) Whatever it was, he is now humiliated by screwing up his chance to defend himself in a pathetic way such as a simple block of a punch.

And who knew Erwin was so strong? Erwin doesn't even bother to smile at his victory. He's already expected this exact thing to happen and he already knows what's going to follow. And Eren can't stand that. He can't stand the fact that Erwin's intelligence can see the future which means he's far more than one step ahead of him at all times. 

"Sit down, Eren." Those words deplete Eren of all of his passion and anger. Here Eren is, giving it his all to defend himself and Erwin just tells him to sit down. This instills fear in Eren. Because if all of Eren's anger and frustration is put into one punch and that punch is stopped simply by one hand, he'll clearly never stand a chance against this (monster) man.

So Eren sits down and he takes it when Erwin feels all over his clothed thighs. And he takes it when Erwin takes out his cock with the chance of anyone walking over to witness him beating it to Eren's nervous reactions to his hands feeling his thighs. And Eren takes it when Erwin makes him taste his length and he takes it when he makes him swallow the liquids that spurt from it when he's done.

When they're done, he cries and vomits and cries some more. Erwin eventually gets up to leave, mentioning that he'll see him tonight. (Oh, how Eren doesn't want to see him tonight.) 

It's twenty minutes later when Captain Levi finds Eren sobbing, body hovered over a bench. This is the usual meeting spot for Eren and Erwin. Had Erwin told Eren something that made him upset? Levi sighs and sits down on the bench, legs crossed.

He listens to Eren's crying for a few more minutes before he asks, "you gonna cry all day?" This makes Eren cry even harder. "Look. I'm not one to talk my ass off but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

We can't have humanity's savior getting depressed and killing himself or others. So if you feel like you need to let anything out, I'll try to make time to listen to you." Eren's crying gets worse before it gets better. But when it gets better, he lifts his head up and asks, "really?" Levi stands up. "Let's get back to training."

Eren thinks over the Captain's words during dinner. Is it really okay to tell him about what's been going on? Erwin's face pops into his head like a mental block from opening his mouth and he immediately reminds himself he'll never tell anyone what's been happening.

He doesn't feel like eating much, still feeling sick from swallowing Erwin's liquids. Sasha happily eats his share. Eren excuses himself from the table early and retreats to his room. 

Erwin comes early that night and Eren suspects a few people are still awake. Erwin doesn't seem to mind though. "Get on your back," Erwin instructs when he's done shutting Eren's cell door. Eren gets on his back on the bed and Erwin crawls over him. His arse is feeling incredibly sore and he's not sure if he can take dealing with this again. He dreads the pain.

Erwin enjoys undressing Eren before entering the pained boy. Eren gasps at the pain. It's sore. It's so sore. It only gets worse as the Commander pushes deeper into him. Eren's hand quickly claps onto Erwin's hand on his hip and tries to get away as he slams into Eren faster and deeper. Eren's halfway hunched into a ball. 

He tries sitting up and almost successfully pushes Erwin's penis out in doing so. Erwin's face is twisted in anger and he punches Eren everywhere with heavy fists. When Eren is well beaten, he stops punching and focuses on pleasuring himself with the boy's tight body. 

Eren is subdued to begging. "Please...stop." But Erwin doesn't care for his cries. He just cares that his length gets pleasured. When Erwin is done and cums in Eren, he kisses the boy, high from the ecstasy of cumming. His body is tired out and although Eren's bed isn't exactly comfortable, it's nice to lay on something close to soft in his high. 

Eren just wants the man to leave. He doesn't want to lay in bed with him. He wants nothing to do with him. Everything he sees about the man is disgusting. Eren wishes he could just disappear. No, he wishes something deeper than that. Hange's words echo in his head, "Any thoughts of suicide?" 

Eren frowns. What happened to him? Mere days ago, he wanted nothing more than to live to see the death of all Titans. He turns his head towards Erwin who is staring at the ceiling, riding the waves of his high. It's this man's fault. It's his fault that he's struggling to still want to live. 

When Erwin leaves, Eren cries.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is one of my more favorite chapters so far so I really hope you enjoy it. I'm pretty sure I put self-harm in the tags but if not, there will be self-harm in this chapter.

Eren sits across from the Captain and Hange at Levi's desk. "You need to tell us what happened, Eren," Hange says. Levi is staring Eren down, trying to stare an answer out of him. Eren looks down, avoiding his eyes. He didn't want to have to go so far as to lie about this but they'll be on his ass about it constantly if he doesn't. 

"I-it was some villagers. They said I was a monster and beat me up." Levi quirks an eyebrow. "And how were villagers able to defeat you?" Eren shrugs, still avoiding his eyes. Levi sighs out of annoyance and gets up. "You're a terrible liar, Eren. I hope you know the importance of you being at your physical healthiest you can be. I've said this too many damn times this week but humanity's fate rests on your shoulders."

"I'm sorry, sir." Eren says. "If you're so sorry about it, why don't you tell us about what happened to you?" And in the moment, Eren wants more than anything to tell them about what's been happening. But he just can't. It's almost like he physically can't do it. The secret is locked in his head so many times over that he'll never be able to share it with anyone.

"I can't," he says. "And why is that? Are they threatening you? Eren, you're a Titan for crying out loud. What could possibly be threatening your life in this moment?" Hange makes a thinking sound before coming up with something. 

"The only logical possibility that I could think of is that Eren is being threatened by something even more powerful than him which would mean we absolutely have no choice but to get the answers out of him. If he knows of a stronger beast than himself, we need to find out about it."

Eren can't understand her intentions. Is she intentionally saying he's keeping something important from them so he'll feel threatened to open up, lest he be tortured? Or did she make a mistake? Does she genuinely think he's keeping something important from them? Either way, this isn't a situation with a good outcome. 

"Hange, shut it." Levi walks up to him. "If the brat is hiding something big from us, I'll get it out of him. That said, I don't think that's necessary yet. Let's see what Erwin says." 

And just like that, Eren is kicked out of the office to join the squad for training. All morning, he thinks about the fact that they'd beat up or torture him for answers. It bothers him, probably more than it should. But he can't help but think that if he was in their position, he'd never beat up or torture his subordinates. It feels wrong.

(But does he even know what's right and wrong anymore? He's starting to question that.)

Hopefully, Erwin will tell them to leave him alone. He doesn't see why Erwin wouldn't but he can't be sure of anything when it comes to that guy. During lunch, everyone in Levi squad except Eren and Levi is ordered to meet up with Erwin in his office. Eren has a bad feeling about this but there's nothing he can do about it. 

Armin was the one who came up with the idea. He certainly is the smartest of them all. It took him only two days to connect Eren's newfound fear of Erwin with the bruises on his body. He didn't know exactly what Erwin had been doing to Eren but he knew for sure he was hurting him. 

When he told the rest of the squad besides Eren and the Captain (they left the Captain out because he wouldn't believe them until they had evidence), they decided to confront the Commander head-on. They came up with a letter saying they knew that Erwin was hurting Eren and that he needs to come clean.

They knew Erwin got the letter when he called the squad minus Levi and Eren to his office. And now, here they stand, glaring at the Commander for hurting one of their own. The Commander's face doesn't change, nor does his demeanor. He's surrounded with the best of guards no doubt and not an ounce of fear resides in his body.

He greets them and sits down. They wait for him to speak first but after a few minutes of deadly silence, it becomes clear that they'll have to be the ones to speak first. "What are you doing to Eren?" Asks Mikasa who's been controlling herself (almost too) well up to this point. "We all need something to take out our stress out on. Eren happens to be exactly that for me."

Mikasa tries to leap forward but is quickly held down by two guards. She uses all of the strength in her body to fight back but they're more experienced than her and therefore they not only win but rather excel at defeating her. "You better speak for yourself because I'm this close to snapping myself," says Jean. 

Erwin's expression still doesn't change. If anything, he looks almost smug. They've never seen this side of Erwin before. Does Levi know that this is how Erwin really is? Maybe they should've included him after all. No, Armin thinks. He wouldn't believe them. He's too loyal to the Commander to listen to them.

"All threats aside, I'll tell you this once and once only:" they glance at each other nervously, "if you tell anyone or try to intervene, I will approve and even recommend Eren's execution to the Court. Not only that but I don't want you to be his friends anymore." Their eyes widen in fear. It's like a hit to the face. 

They didn't think he'd actually go that far. "And I will make up a crime scene for any one of you to be arrested and executed with him if you intervene. Any questions or concerns?"

The heartless bastard. "That's not fair," shouts Sasha. "Life is unfair," says Erwin. "There's nothing you can do but follow what I say." "Everyone, we can't just let him do this. We need to fight." Jean says, trying to rally the squad up. He looks over at Connie and Sasha who look ready to fight and then to Armin, back at Erwin, and then to Armin again when he sees his expression.

"What's wrong? We've gotta save Eren." But Armin stays standing there, shaking his head, and staring wide eyed at the ground as if he's realized something horrible. "We can't do anything. The Commander is right. I've thought of every solution I could think of and in every one of them in which we fight back, we all die. And he gets away with it." 

Armin looks like he's about to be sick. "But that's not even the worst if it. With us and Eren gone, the percentage of humanity winning...." "What is it, Armin?" Asks Connie, almost regrettably. "....is less than 5 percent." Levi's squad is immediately paralyzed at those words. At the percentage. 

"There's nothing we can do if we want to live and if we want Eren to live, let alone if we want humanity to survive." Erwin sits patiently. "So? What's your answer?" He already knows the outcome of this situation, just like all other situations so he isn't surprised when the teenagers leave the room crying about the answer they'd given.

Eren is daydreaming when the rest of the Squad comes back and so he's surprised when he feels someone grab his shirt and dumbfounded when there's the swing of an arm coming at his face. But he's utterly paralyzed when he sees who did it. "Armin? What are you doing?" 

"I hate you," yells Armin with tears coming down his face. "Wait. What do you mean? What did I do?" But Armin is hearing none of it. He jumps on top of Eren and Eren falls to the ground. Then, he punches Eren's face hit after hit. Eren kicks his legs and flails his arms. He's hurt and confused. Then, Armin stops and leans down next to Eren's ear. He's breathing heavily and tries not to sob. 

"I know what he-he," he fails and sobs out the last part, "did to you and I hate you now. We all do." Eren thought he'd felt what it was like to be heartbroken before but this feeling. This feeling must be what it truly feels like to be heartbroken. Eren feels hot tears spilling down his face before he has the chance to notice and opens his mouth to speak only for him to absolutely wail out in pain. He covers his face with his hand. He feels sad. So sad. 

"The Captain doesn't know about it. If you tell him, we'll kill you ourselves," says Jean, and the squad walks away from Eren, crying. Eren rocks back and forth, trying to calm himself down. But no one loves him and no one cares and he has no one and no one will care if he dies. 

That last one hits Eren hard. He thought he knew what it was like to be lonely but true loneliness is the realization that not a single soul would care if you were dead. Eren hears someone calling his name. Captain Levi. Why does it always have to be him who finds him broken?

The Captain probably thinks he's just some crybaby now. Eren can't stop crying and it's hard to breathe. And no one cares, no one cares, noonecares,noonecaresnoonecares. Eren's mind can't catch up to the commotion going on around him but he vaguely hears Levi calling for Hange. 

Then, Hange is suddenly there and telling him to breathe with her and all he can do is follow her instructions. Eventually, he's no longer panicking and his cries revert to simple sobs. "What happened?" Asks Hange. "They-they said they hate me." He starts panicking again and Hange has him breathe again. 

"Who said that?" And Eren realizes that even though they hate him now, he still cares about them and wouldn't sell them out to anyone. He just shakes his head and sniffs. Levi leaves for a bit and then comes back. "The Commander wants you," says Levi. Eren nods his head and tries to walk to his and Erwin's usual spot but ends up needing guidance from Hange.

He sits by Erwin and Erwin takes Eren into his arms. Eren is too weak to fight back and being in the presence of the one who ruined his life makes him cry more. Erwin takes Eren to his office (with people surely staring at the crying teenager) and sits in his chair before undoing Eren's pants and pulling down his underwear. 

He takes advantage of Eren's inability to fight back and fucks him into his desk. When he's done, he leaves Eren on the floor crying with blood and semen coming out of his ass.

By the end of the day, Eren feels like there's a huge wall separating him from the rest of the world. Everyone around him can smile and feel happiness. All of that is gone from him. He can't get his face to pull up into a smile no matter how hard he tries and he doubts he'll ever be happy again after this. 

Eren skips dinner that night and goes straight to his room. He stares at his ceiling for hours, unthinking. Just numb. Numb to the point where even boredom doesn't come. For the first time in years, he truly, from the bottom of his heart, wants to die. He digs at his arms without true thought, just hoping to get to his artery. 

His nails aren't enough, though, and he takes a sharp knife from his pocket meant for in case of emergencies and cuts deep into his skin. But it isn't deep enough so he does it a second time, this time closer to his elbow. He does it again and again until his arm is covered in cuts deep enough for dozens of stitches but not enough to die. 

And even though he isn't dead from the cuts, he still feels relieved in some strange way and that's enough for now. It's like his arms crying blood is enough for his eyes to stop crying tears. No doubt Hange and Levi will ask him about it but they've already proven they'll do nothing about it. Because they can't. 

They can't do anything about it because if they try to get him psychological help, he won't have time to train and they can't threaten his life to force him to talk when there's no proof that whatever he's keeping secret is important. So, virtually, they're stuck.

Erwin comes that night and loves the new look on Eren's arm. "It's like tiger stripes," he says. The night is a repeat of the last few nights and when Erwin is done with Eren, he leaves as if nothing happened. But this time, Eren doesn't cry himself to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. This chapter wasn't the most interesting but was still necessary.

Eren wakes up the next day pushing down his nervousness to face Captain Levi and Hange. It doesn't matter, he tells himself. After all, there's nothing they can actually do about it. But still, he isn't excited to have a lecture about his deteriorating mental health. 

He knows it's almost time for them to unlock his cage as the sun is starting to rise. He waits in a bundle of nerves until his nervousness turns into boredom. Or, at least he assumes it's boredom. Maybe it's just him being numb and he's mistaking it for boredom. 

Either way, by the time Captain Levi unlocks his door, the nervousness is just underlying and the numbness that's covered in hopelessness is the main thing he feels. Because now that his friends hate him, nothing really matters. Or at least it shouldn't. When you have no one to love you and no one to love, you become blocked off and hardened. 

Eren walks over to Levi. The room is too dark for him and Hange to see his wounds yet and when he falls in the range of light emitted by the lamp, Hange gasps. The Captain isn't sure what she's gasping about until - fuck. What happened to the brat? 

"Your arm. Explain." The words seem easy to say. Until he opens his mouth to say them. "I- ahem." He clears his throat, "I hurt myself." Once he says it, he feels his mind putting a wall between him and his superiors and he defensively gives them a challenging look, daring them to say the wrong thing.

Levi's face darkens and he looks serious. There is a dead silence and Eren's thoughts become so loud that it feels like they're screaming. He wants his mind to shut up. "What did you cut yourself with?" Eren had previously thought up all sorts of questions they would ask and he still isn't sure how to answer this one.

If he tells the truth, will they take away his knife? He needs his knife to not only cut himself again in the future but also to protect himself. But what could he lie about? If he says he got a shaving blade and doesn't have one to hand over, they'll investigate him until they find it.

And, obviously, there was no shaving blade, so they wouldn't be satisfied considering they wouldn't find one. Eren clenches his teeth. Damnit, damnit, damnit. He has to tell the truth. And with his blade gone, he won't get the chance to attempt suicide through lacerations again. 

This is a sucky situation, he thinks. "So?" Asks Captain Levi. Eren sighs. "I used my knife." Levi holds his hand out. "Hand it over to me. I won't let my soldiers get unnecessarily hurt, even if it's themselves inflicting the pain." Eren wants to argue that it actually was necessary but he knows he'll sound depressed or suicidal if he defends hurting himself.

He grabs the blade with his great misfortune and hands it over to Levi. Then, Levi hands it to Hange who stuffs it into her pocket. Levi stamps away from the door, leaving room for Eren to leave and lets Hange lead the way. Eren isn't sure where they're going at first. Are they heading to breakfast or are they going to Hange's room? He doesn't know.

It soon becomes clear that they're going to Hange's lab and Eren doesn't know why he expected any different. Of course Hange would want to stitch him up since his healing abilities aren't working. When they get inside, Levi leans against the wall with his arms crossed, watching silently as Hange directs Eren to sit down while she gets some stitching supplies.

Hange comes back with a huge needle and some sutures. Eren doesn't think much of the pain until she stabs the needle into his cuts and under the skin of his cuts to numb his arms. He's felt much worse pain than this but he expected less pain from something as supposedly weak as stitches. 

The absolute burning from where she stabs into his skin with needles hurts worse than any of the extremely deep cuts he made and those cuts were painful. Eventually, she's done and he's grateful it's over. He's learned something important from this, though: next time, he needs to hide his cuts so he doesn't deal with the pain of stitches again. 

He hadn't cared at first but after experiencing this pain, he's starting to care. "What did you learn from this?" Asks Hange. And Eren, feeling brutally honest, admits, "to hide the cuts next time." Levi walks up to Eren and puts an almost threatening hand on his shoulder. 

"There won't be a "next time." I'll be sure of it." Eren ignores his words, though, because they both know he can't watch Eren 24/7 which means Eren will have plenty chance in the future to hurt himself again. Levi notices that Eren wasn't scared from those words and continues, "because we have plenty Military Police who would dutifully take turns watching you day and night to make sure this doesn't happen again."

Eren's eyes fill with have a flash of fear. Shit. He didn't think they'd go that far. Hange takes out a notebook titled, "Eren" and takes a few minutes to write her observations from while she gave Eren stitches and then turns her attention back to the boy. "So, Eren. I need to know. Why did you feel it was necessary to cut yourself?" 

Eren knows they'll keep bothering him until they have an answer as to why he's so upset and now that he finally has an honest one that doesn't involve being raped by Erwin, he'll take this chance to use the excuse. "Everyone hates me," he says, and he almost laughs at how shitty the cards he's been dealt in life are. 

"What do you mean by that?" Eren sighs a sad sigh and his body feels heavy. "Everyone - all of my friends - they hate me now." He tries with all of his might to look like he isn't saddened by this. To look like he doesn't care. But the situation makes him feel so sad that his very presence gives off a depressing energy and it's impossible to hide it.

"So, that's what's been going on with you? And the bruises?" Eren doesn't want to blame Armin for the bruises but he kind of has to. If Armin's asked about it, he'll admit to bruising him and then Levi and Hange will be satisfied that they've figured out what's going on.

"They've been hurting me. Well, Armin has been beating me up." Levi raises an eyebrow questioningly and Hange looks surprised. "I've met many types of people in my life and never have I met someone like Armin who would beat someone up, let alone his own best friend. I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time believing this," Levi says. 

Eren shakes his head. "I thought so too, sir." Hange writes several things down before looking up again. "We're done with you for now. Could you grab Armin for us?" Eren nods wearily and gets up. He goes to the dining room and everyone quiets down as soon as they notice him. 

They all have glares on their faces. "What do you want?" Asks Jean. Eren wants to beat his face in but restrains himself and turns to Armin. "Hange and Captain Levi want you. They're in Hange's lab" Armin gets up and avoids Eren's eye before exiting the room.

"Did you snitch on us?" Asks Mikasa in a low, quiet voice. Eren turns to her and backs away when he sees her darkened face. "Eren. I asked you a question. Did you snitch on us?" Her voice gets louder towards the end and Eren is startled. He's never had to wonder what it's like to be on Mikasa's bad side but now he realizes that that's something he wishes he'd never have to learn. 

She looks him in the eye angrily but tears are running down her face. Eren steps back some more. The last thing he wanted to do was make her angry and sad. Maybe he should just leave. "I hate you," she says. Eren looks into her eyes and remembers all of the fun times he, she, and Armin had together. Never once did he feel down while he was around them. 

He keeps his tears in. He's tired of being a crybaby. Everything makes him sad but that doesn't mean he has to cry every time he's sad. "Get out of here," says Mikasa. "W-what?" "I said, Get Out Of Here!" Eren finds it hard to see past the tears he's trying to hold in and before he can cry in front of them, he leaves. 

Eren calms himself down when he gets outside by telling himself he doesn't care because he's going to commit suicide anyway and so nothing matters. But everytime he looks at something, he's reminded of awful things and tears fall down his face. "No," he tells himself, "I'm not going to cry." He wipes his faces and clenches his fist until his skin breaks. 

Blood falls down his palm and onto the grass. His tears stop flowing and he holds everything in, pushing it all further deep inside him, not realizing that he's putting pressure on a dam that might break. 

When training comes around, Eren isn't sure what to do. Everyone hate shim so no doubt the training will go horribly. What if he just skips it? But then Levi will be pissed. So he swallows down his worries and drags his feet to the training. During training, everyone is rude but they're rude subtly. 

Connie gives him glare while the Captain isn't looking and Jean pushes him to the ground. Mikasa glares deeply at him while everyone else makes sure to loudly gossip do Eren can hear what they're saying. At first, the gossip is rude but not quite cruel. Then, it's mean, and lastly, it's atrocious and Eren never knew humans could be so cruel.

"Did you hear what Erwin does with him?" Asks Historia. "Yeah. It's so disgusting," Armin says with a laugh. Eren can feel his cheeks burn from emberassment. He feels naked. They can see every dirty thing that's ever been done to him and he's beyond tainted.

No amount of cleaning will ever make him pure again, no amount of bleeding will bleed out his dirty blood, and no amount of crying will make him feel better. He's just stuck in this world, born to suffer and it'll only get worse. By the time training is over, Eren knows that everyone sees him as disgusting and he hates himself tenfold more than he did this morning. 

All of the words they said are stuck in his head. No amount of banging his head into the wall will make him forget what they say. "He's so gross." "Did you hear that the Commander put his thing up Eren's-?" "I heard that the Commander licked his weiner." 1/6 of the way through training and Eren collapses, completely out of energy. 

The stress... It's weighing him down. At this rate, he won't be able to join them in their next fight against the Titans. Damnit. "Mikasa. Can you escort Eren to his room? I think he's had enough for today," Levi days after he checks Eren's pulse. And Eren can swear that there's disappointment in his Captain's voice. 

"Do I have to?" Asks Mikasa. "I'm busy." Levi sighs and asks Sasha but apparently Sasha's busy too. In the end, Levi has to walk Eren to their home himself. Eren can feel Levi's annoyance radiating off of him and he hated himself for annoying one of the last people who don't hate him. "You were right," Levi says when they get to Eren's cell. 

Eren doesn't even bother looking up. "Armin did beat you up." Eren lets his eyes look dead. "Look. I don't know what happened between you and everyone else but if anyone else beats you up, you have to tell me. Teamwork is important here in the Scouts. Possibly the most important thing. If we don't have teamwork, we're dead. So tell me next time someone hurts you."

Eren nods. Levi locks the door.

Eren feels good. Really good. He keens into the feeling. He's never felt this good before, although the feeling is somehow familiar. He rolls over and hands lift his hips up so his head is face down into a pillow and his anus is up. He feels something rub against his bottom and he pushes his hips forward to thrust into that wonderful feeling some more. 

He's starting to wake up little by little and by the time he realizes he's being touched in his sleep, he's cumming. He cries out in both surprise and pleasure as hands pump him dry. It feels so good but oh, how dirty he is. Guilt (or is it shame?) fills him and after his comedown and he feels awful. 

"Such a slut for me," he hears Erwin say and disgust fills him. He tries to get up but hands hold him down. He has no pants on and neither does Erwin, he's come to realize. Erwin pushes his cock into Eren's anus and Eren cries out. "You make such pretty sounds." 

Erwin doesn't usually talk to him like this. Why is he now? "Fuck," says Erwin as he thrusts in a fast pace until he cums. Then, he pulls out. "You're so pretty. I know I rarely tell you that but it's true." Is this Erwin's attempt at being romantic or something? Becuasee it's not working. 

"Goodnight," he says and he gets dressed and leaves. Eren tries to sleep away the shame he feels for liking what Erwin was doing to him in his sleep but he can't go back to sleep. In fact, he's terrified of sleeping again. Will he come back and make him feel good? He doesn't want him to. 

Eventually, Eren does fall back asleep. He thinks it's due to luck but when he has nightmares, he realizes that luck is not and never will be on his side.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An eventful chapter to make up for the last.

The next day, Eren takes a shower and scrubs himself for two hours but no matter how hard he scrubs, it's not enough. He only gets out when he has to. During breakfast, Connie "accidentally" flips Eren's plate over. "That's fine," says Eren, "I didn't want to eat anyway." 

The gossipping is just as bad as yesterday and Eren's energy depletes even earlier than the day before but he's not tired enough to go to sleep so he just sits out and waits for his energy to come back this time before training some more. But soon after he rejoins to train, he hears more awful words and he feels sick. 

"Did you know that last night, Eren had sex with the Commander and liked it?" Who's been telling them all of these things? How do they know when Erwin comes to visit him? And then Eren's mood drops even more when he realizes that either someone is watching him and Erwin or that Erwin likes to tell them how fun it is to rape him. Either way is bad. 

It's so bad. Eren doesn't know how he's still alive. He feels so terribly awful both inside and out and he doesn't know how he's lasted this long. He looks at the world around him and everything seems dark. Even the sun is cruel in the cold of day. 

"Yeager!" Yells Levi, frustrated. "We need you as part of this team. Come join us." Eren gets up and walks over to the squad standing in a circle. They make room for him in the circle, although a few people fight over who has to stand next to him until Levi tells them to "hurry the fuck up."

"Today, we're going to play dodgeball to help strengthen our reflexes." Levi splits them up into two teams. One with all of the girls and one with all of the boys. Eren has a bad feeling about this but everything has been bad for him lately. It can't get any worse.

A whistle blows and suddenly, all of the balls are being thrown at him and his team is laughing. Their cruel laughs ring in his ears as ball after ball hits him. The girls don't even try to hit any of the other boys. Their only goal is Eren. Levi eventually gets tired of it (or maybe he genuinely wants to help) and tells them they have to hit someone other than Eren.

But Eren is fine. He's out anyway so he goes to sit out and tries not to let anything get to him. He finds it hard to breathe as he holds his sobs in. Oh, God does he feel sad. His mind cries out for death and his body itches to be sliced open. Being lonely is handleable when you have friends but it's unbearable when it's true. 

Eren tries to list off how many people would cry over his death but literally no one comes to mind. For the rest of training that morning, Eren imagines scenarios in which he dies and people cry over his death. When he gets out of his head, it's a nightmare because none of those daydreams will come true. 

Eren admittedly spends lunch moping around until Erwin sends Levi to get him. When he meets up with the evil man, they end up going to his office. "Ride me while I do paperwork," orders Erwin. Eren's nervous because he doesn't exactly know how to "ride" someone. When Erwin explains, he feels even more nervous because he's not sure he has the energy to accomplish that.

But when he explains his concerns, Erwin asks, "so would you rather have me be in control?" In control. Eren didn't consider that riding the man had to do with control but it makes sense. All Erwin will do is paperwork while Eren will do all the work.

Maybe he'll feel better if he's in control of the situation. So, Eren undresses himself and Erwin pulls his pants down. They sit in Erwin's desk and Eren lowers himself onto the man's cock. Already, It's better yet worse. Better because it doesn't hurt as much as it usually does and worse because he doesn't dislike it.

When he sits down all the way on Erwin's dick, he suddenly feels this strange burst of pleasure and moans out before he can stop himself. He's scared to do it again because what if he moans out again? But he knows he has to whether he likes it or not so he tells himself he might as well feel pleasure while doing it.

But when he jumps up and back down, the pleasure hits him again and he feels awful on the inside. Like his soul is being broken. He forgets that he hates pleasure. Pleasure reminds him of sickly pain and embarassment, nervousness and despair. 

Still, he continues. The pleasure eventually overcomes all of the other negative feelings and Eren loses himself to the good feeling. He feels the good feeling in his lower stomach growing stronger and hotter until he's out of his mind with pleasure and can't take it anymore. 

He shudders and slams himself down onto the penis, moaning loudly and cumming. When he's done, Erwin flips his tired body over and uses his tired out body to make himself cum. Eren didn't know it was possible to cum without your dick being touched, let alone that anal sex can feel good. Why does it never feel good when the Commander is doing it?

Eren gets up, gets redressed, and walks out of Erwin's office contemplating what just happened. Overall, he decides he hates himself for finding pleasure from it. He's disgusted with himself and he's worried that he's just as bad as Erwin. He was using Erwin's penis for his own pleasure. Doesn't that make him a bad person?

Eren feels bad and he feels bad all day. He still isn't sure if it's guilt, shame, or depression but whatever it is, this is the longest time he's felt it for. He has trouble breathing because the feeling suffocates him physically and he has not even the tiniest bit of energy in his body. 

His heart is weighed down and sadness is in his body. Just like the taintedness, sadness makes a home inside him. When dinner comes around, he skips eating and goes straight to his room to daydream more about suicide. 

That night, Erwin visits him and Eren has pleasure-less sex. "Moan for me," demands Erwin. But Eren doesn't know how to moan when he's not feeling good so Erwin beats him with his belt, slashing his back again and again as he fucks him. 

Eren sleeps with his back in pain that night.

The next day, Eren wakes up with the terrible feeling again. He goes to breakfast starving from not eating much as if late and eats. "So, do you like it?" Jean asks and everyone laughs. Jean is obviously talking about him being raped and not about his food. Eren ignores him. He no longer sees the point in talking to these people. He'll be gone someday and he won't have to deal with them anymore. 

The rest of the day plays out almost the same as yesterday. They do training, Eren gets tired, sits out, rejoins, sits out again, and when lunch comes, he visits Erwin. He skips dinner and sex that night is a more brutal rape than usual that leaves it hard for him to walk for two days after.

The biggest difference as the days go by is that Eren feels worse and worse every day until a Sunday, when he begs God and begs the Creator of the Walls to kill him. He can't handle it anymore. He cries that night and lots of tears come. He cries even harder when he pleads someone to strike him with lightning and nothing happens.

Erwin becomes more violent and Captain Levi and Hange start to think there's more going on than his friends beating him up. They ask him and he wants to answer. They have no idea how badly he wants to tell them. But if he tells them, they'll be killed. Finally, on a Tuesday, he admits as to why he won't tell them. 

"Because they'll kill you," he says. "Who's they?" Asks Levi when Hange leaves the room. Eren shake this head. "I can't say. Sorry. Or they'll kill you." Levi punches the wall, startling Eren, and takes out his blade. "Do you really think anyone could kill me? There's not many who can stand a chance against me."

Eren contemplates this. Will it be over if he tells the Captain? Will it really be okay if he's honest with him? Eren takes in a deep breath. He wants to die so bad and he's not sure he can take it anymore. Erwin has taken everything from him. There's nothing left. 

But what if his life changes by telling Levi about what's happening? What if he finds happiness again? Eren nervously clenches his fists and shakily gets up. "Okay. Fine. I'll tell you. But only you." Levi raises an eyebrow and walks towards the door. "We'll talk in my office." 

They go to Levi's neat office and Eren sits across from the man. "So, who's been doing this to you and why?" Eren starts slowly. "It was Erwin," he says, surprised to hear no stutter. He watches Levi's reaction carefully and Levi looks confused and angry. Eren doesn't know how to react to Levi's anger so he continues.

"He, um, hurt me." Eren can't say the word "raped." "He, um, touched me where I didn't want to be touched." Eren's words become distorted as he lets out a sob at the end. He covers his mouth, trying to get himself to shut up so he can continue but everytime he opens his mouth to form words, only sobs come out. 

"What do you mean?" Levi's voice is low and dangerous and Eren has to remind himself that he's mad at Erwin; not him. Eren takes very deep breaths and calms himself down enough to speak. "He comes into my room at night and touches me where I don't want to be touched. Um, like in private areas. And he makes me touch him in those places too."

Tears fall down Eren's face like rain and he hasn't felt this relieved in his entire life. Levi stands up and Eren's never seen him so angry in his life. "Get out," he says. "W-what?" Eren asks, trying to believe he didn't hear right. "I said," Levi lifts his chair and throws it hard near Eren's face and Eren is left petrified, "GET OUT!" 

Eren gets up and he can't see right. All he can hear are his own wails as he stumbles out of the room as quickly as he can. He's scared and he's sad. He's so sad. He finally decided to trust someone and told them about what's been happening only to be yelled at and threatened out of the room. He can't take it. Once he's at the end of the hall, he can no longer walk and collapses in a corner. 

He sobs and wails. "I'm sorry," he cries out, thinking about everyone. "I didn't mean for you to hate me." He realizes that everyone who's been told about what happened to him hates him so maybe he's the one who did something wrong. And he's so sorry. He's so sorry he can't handle it. He should die.

He really should die. No one will miss him and maybe everyone will be happy again if he dies. He hears footsteps that belong to Levi's boots and he's scared Levi will hit him. But as the sound of the boots come, they also pass. Eren sits there for hours, sobbing his heart out until he hears two pairs of footsteps coming towards him.

"Eren. Get up," Erwin's voice orders. "You're coming with me." Eren wipes his eyes and sniffs before he can clearly see both Levi and Erwin staring at him. Erwin with disappointment and Levi with anger. "Let's go. Levi, you can go back to your office now." Levi glares at Eren one last time before leaving to go to his office. 

Neither Erwin nor Eren says anything as they walk. All there is is whimpering cries here and there. "I've been needing to go on a trip to visit the Capitol for a while. I've decided to bring you with me." Eren nods and starts sobbing again. "The carriage leaves tomorrow. I apologise. It seems I forgot to tell you about this trip."

Tomorrow comes much too quickly and Eren is locked in his cell all day until it's time to leave. He isn't sure how Erwin convinced the Court to let him travel with Erwin without Levi around but he's too afraid to ask. Erwin didn't tell Eren what exact time they're leaving so when a guard comes to get him, he simply goes along with it.

He's led outside where a carriage is waiting for them and then they're off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you worried, they'll only be gone for one chapter. Soon, they'll be back with everyone else.


	7. Chapter 7

"It's Erwin. He, um, touches me where I don't want to be touched." No way are the first words Levi can think of. It's a lie. It has to be. He thinks about how good of a man Erwin is and is immediately filled with anger. How dare someone accuse Erwin of something so awful? "Get out," he says. Eren said something else but he's too angry to focus on what he said. 

He needs Eren to leave and he needs him to leave now. Eren looks surprised and scared. Levi is too angry to listen to reason. He gets up and grabs his chair. "I said, "GET OUT!"" Eren looks terrified and tears are running down his face. The tears turn into sobs which turn into wails. He stumbles out of the room.

Levi feels bad after that and sits down for a bit, thinking. Maybe Eren was hurt by someone. He's not a liar. But maybe it was someone posing as Erwin. It's not logical but nothing is right now and until he gets answers, he refuses to put anymore thought into it. 

The first person Levi thinks of to go to is the accused man himself. He walks out of his office, makes his way down the hall where Eren is sobbing in a corner, and goes to Erwin's office. He lets himself in and Erwin is sitting, doing paperwork. He gets straight to the point.

"Eren says you touched him inappropriately. Is that true?" Erwin looks shocked and hurt before he composes himself, not allowing the shock and hurt to show on his face. Erwin's always been the type to try to keep face. "I don't know if you believe me but I would never do such a thing." Levi sighs in relief. "That's what I thought."

"But Eren is no liar," says Erwin. "Maybe it was someone posing as me. The poor boy must be terrified of me now. Do you mind if I borrow him for a while so I can try to help him feel safe around me again? And while we're gone, I give you and Hange the order to find out what's going on."

Levi nods. They sit and talk of a plan for a couple hours before they get up to grab Eren. Levi gives Eren a look before leaving. He himself isn't sure what look it is but hurt flashes in Eren's eyes so he assumes it wasn't the nicest look. He relaxes his face to look nicer before leaving to go to his office on Erwin's orders.

In the month that Erwin and Eren are gone, Hange and Levi find... nothing. Absolutely nothing to find who Eren's abuser is. Eventually, they come to the conclusion that Eren was so stressed that he was seeing things because that conclusion still makes more sense to them than the hypothesis that it could've been Erwin. 

When Eren gets back, he looks awful. He looks so awful that Levi begins to believe the fact that it was Erwin. He has bruises all over his body still and looks deathly skinny. He's wearing long sleeves and he has a dead look in his eyes. A look he's only seen while he was in the Underground. 

Levi walks over to Eren the first chance he gets and tells him to come to the Lab with him. When they get there, they finally have the chance to ask Eren all of the questions they need to answer who did this to him. But the second Hange asks him who abused him, he says, "I lied." 

And Levi is filled with fury. Why the hell would someone lie about something like that? Shit. He's not sure if he can work with this kid anymore if he lied about being sexually abused. He'll need to talk to Erwin...

When Eren gets back, he sees the sad faces of his former friends. It's as if they miss him. But he doesn't care if they missed him. It's too late. Too late for them to care. He sees the Captain and knows what he has to say when he's taken back to the Lab.

"I lied," he says when Hange asks the question. He sees the rage in Levi's eyes and wonders if he'll beat him for this. He's not scared of getting beaten up by others though. Not anymore. He's been beaten to the point of near death before and he's been beaten to the point of wanting death. Nothing scares him now.

And he clings to pain as if it's the only thing left in his life that he cares about. And maybe it is. He leaves the room and follows the schedule by going to lunch. Erwin told him not to meet up with him for lunch today so he doesn't. Instead, he eats alone and eats desperately. He hasn't had a full meal in days. 

When lunch is over, Captain Levi comes out and calls for everyone to gather. Eren practically drags himself there and no one makes room for him. Levi doesn't bother telling anyone to make room for him. Eren was hit in the ear the other day and he's been hard at hearing ever since. He doesn't quite hear what Levi is saying and when they train, he pretends to know. 

He watches what his squad does to try to catch on but it's all too confusing. It's not like he has the energy to do anything anyways so he sits out and watches until the Captain comes to grab him. And grab him he does. By the neck, to be exact. Eren hopes his neck will snap under his hand but unfortunately, the universe hates him and curses him to live. 

"What are you doing sitting down? Did I tell you you could do that?" Eren shakes his head. "Then get up." Eren nods and tries to get up but his legs give out. He didn't eat his entire lunch. Maybe that's why. "Get up," Levi says again. Eren can't feel his legs so he tries to pull himself up with just his hands unsuccessfully. To get up, he needs his legs and that's just not going to happen.

So Eren drags himself forward with his arms until the cuts in his arms are opened and bleeding into the grass. The bleeding in his arms only gets worse as he continues to drag himself. He wore a black long sleeved shirt so he should be fine. 

The bleeding is apparently worse than he thought because hslfway to the group, he starts seeing black spots and he feels so dehydrated. Then, he has a headache and then all is black. "..ren." eren opens his eyes. "Oh. There you are," says Hange. "I've had to fix the cuts in your arms so all is good now. Eren looks down at the very badly stitched cuts. She didn't put even half of her effort into the stitches. 

Whatever, he tells himself. It's not like he cares. Life is shit anyways. Who cares if everyone hates him? "You can leave now," she says coldly and Eren nods, trying not to let the hurt show on his face. He gets up and goes. 

That night, Erwin asks him he followed his orders. "Yes," he answers. Erwin fucks him sickly sweet. 

The next day, Eren hears Levi better and participates during training for half an hour before he passes out again. He wonders why his body is so tired. When he wakes up, he looks around his surroundings and sees that he's still laying in the grass. No one bothered to save him.

It hurts but he pushes it down. Over the past month, he's gotten good at that. At pushing things down. Because crying never changed anything in history. But as a result of him pushing things down, it's always painful when the dam bursts and he doesn't recover. 

During lunch, Erwin whips him until the man cums. At dinner, Eren eats with his squad to have some fuel for tomorrow. After dinner, he goes to his cell and takes out his blade. He cuts himself until he passes out. 

Eren wakes up in a cold gasp, arms reaching for help. But he finds none. Instead, someone slaps his painful arm away and yells, "get up, Yeager. We have work to do today." Eren opens his eyes after wiping his wet face and becomes face to face with Levi holding a bucket with leftover liquid of cold water. 

Eren sits up and waits for orders. "What are you doing standing there?" Levi asks, more annoyed than curious. Oh. Eren forgot. He's expected to get his clothes on without being ordered to. Levi waits patiently as he gets undressed and puts his uniform on. 

He has bruises all over his body and welts from getting whipped. His body shakes as he gets dressed. Getting dressed is one of the worst parts of the day. He hates looking at his gross, emaciated self. 

When Levi sees the bruises that litter Eren's body, he wonders if his former friends beat him again. But some of the bruises are older so who beat him before them? And when he sees lashes and welts on Eren's back, he knows it wasn't them who beat him up because they wouldn't have access to a whip.

Then, he thinks back to how Eren said he lied about Erwin raping him. If word about that got around, many people would want to hurt him. He hates to be pessimistic but maybe Eren deserved to get a whopping considering the seriousness of what he lied about. 

Eren tries to get dressed faster but he keeps seeing black spots and his hands are only getting shakier. Why are his hands so shaky? Is it the fear of someone seeing his disgusting body or is it something else? He gives up on his pants and moves to his shirt. After a few minutes, he manages to get his shirt on but his pants are still an issue.

After several minutes of struggling to get his pants on, Levi sighs. "If you can't get your pants done, Yeager, I'll do it myself." Levi doesn't think anything of it. What's wrong with dressing a soldier who can't dress himself? But Eren doesn't see it like that. When Levi offers to dress Eren, the young teen is reminded of Erwin.

He immediately rejects the offer. "I'll do it myself." Fuck. Even his voice is shaky now. After several more minutes of being watched by the Captain's very irritated look, he finally gets his pants on. But now he has to get the straps on. He sits down and tries to do the straps but he can't get them to adjust right because of how shaky his hands are.

Levi sighs and kneels. "We're supposed to be at the training grounds right now. Eren apologizes vehemently. "I'm sorry. So sorry. Please forgive me." He clasps his hands together, begging to be forgiven. If he makes Levi even more upset, Erwin will know about it which would result in Eren getting severely punished and he can't take being punished. 

"Please.... I'm so sorry." But Levi says nothing. Eren starts gasping for air because all of a sudden, he can't breathe. "What's going on?" Levi asks. Eren puts his hands to his chest and he tries to keep his tears down. "Pleases. I am so sorry. I'll do anything. Just please don't be mad." 

Levi raises an eyebrow. "I never said anything about being mad." This helps Eren relax only a little and he's still gasping for breath. Levi doesn't seem to care though, and when he's done with Eren's straps, he gets up, expecting the boy to follow him to the training grounds. 

Eren does follow him. They make it there and Levi blames their lateness on Eren. Eren apologizes quickly and looks around, trying to make sure Erwin wasn't around to hear it. Unfortunately, his eye catches Erwin's at the last second and he lets out a breath of upset. 

Erwin will punish him for inconveniencing the team later. He knows it. And his day is already ruined. "Today, we're playing a simple game. Tag. No one wins. No one loses. The goal is to not be it. Are you ready?" They nod. 

"Okay. Connie, you're it. Everyone has five seconds to run. Five." Eren walks to a bush, trying to hide rather than run. "Four. Three." He's almost there. "Two. One." He make sit to the bush and hides in it, not caring what creepy crawlies could be hiding in there. "Go!"

But Connie isn't stupid and Connie isn't blind. He knows where Eren is and comes after him first. Then, Eren's it. And everyone keeps a fair distance from him but he can see the laughter in their eyes. He's so slow, it must be funny. He wants to scream because now he's going to be punished not only for being late and making Levi late but also for being too slow during Tag. 

He drags his body as much as he can to the crowd laughing at him until he has to get on his knees to be a crawling mess. His back hurts. He crawls forward once. And so does his head. He crawls forward twice. And also his thighs. He stops. But most of all, his heart hurts. He lets his head touch the ground and lets his body relax in a way of saying, "I give up."

Levi passes without even looking at him and tells Mikasa to be it. Eren stays laying on the ground. And in a cruel way of kicking him while he's down, the others step on him and run him over as they run from Mikasa. Eren is left with dirty shoe prints on his shirt. But he doesn't care. All he cares about right now is the kind of punishment he'll get later. 

He imagines what the pubsihmetn will be. Broken bones and then fixing them without anesthesia? Cutting a toe off? Taking one of his eyes out? He can't imagine the horrors of what waits for him. All he knows is he'd rather be dead. 

When later becomes now, Eren goes to Erwin's office walking faster than he usually does. He'd honestly rather get this over with already so he can stop worrying so badly about it. But when he gets there and sits across from Erwin, listening to what his punishment is going to be, he feels sick.

It's not the worst punishment, admittedly, but it's enough for him to regret not killing himself today. (But doesn't he regret that everyday?) "For your punishment, I'm going to tear your nails out one by one." Erwin takes out a pair of pliers. "Are you ready to begin?" He takes out Eren's pinky nail on his right hand first. And all Eren can see is white, painful pain. He yells out a pained grunt after every nail Erwin takes out. 

When Erwin's done performing what is considered an act of torture, he fucks a whimpering Eren, loving the loud cries coming from the young man's mouth. When he's done, he wraps bandaids around Eren's sensitive nailless fingers and sends the boy off to train more. Instead, though, Eren goes to sleep on the bench where he and Erwin used to meet and dreams of being tortured to death. This dream is better than reality because at least he dies at the end of it.

Erwin surprisingly leaves Eren alone for the rest of the day. So does everyone else. So the rest of the day turns out to be alright and he sleeps well that night.


	8. Chapter 8

Eren wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of clinking against his cell's door. Then, he hears a lock click. The door swings open and two men come in. One holds Eren down while the other one undresses eren and spreads his legs. "Wh-who sent you?" Eren asks. Is this part of his punishment from Erwin? He's done this before. He's gotten a whole gang of men to gangrape him before. No doubt it's happening again.

The men just laugh, thinking something's funny, and then they take out their penises. The one holding him down lets go of one of his limbs real quick so he can hold his head in place in order to fuck his mouth. The other man quickly enters Eren and thrusts into him so fast that he can't possibly be getting his whole dick into him. 

Eren sits and takes it. Struggling will only make it worse. He knows how it goes. "He's not even struggling. What a whore." This makes him want to fight back but he knows better than to do that. He's learned well. Then, he hears footsteps. The footsteps get faster and then, "hey! What are you doing?" It's Levi's voice and Eren wants to crawl into a hole and hide. They start thrusting faster, trying to reach climax before Levi throws them out. 

And they do accomplish this. Then Eren is left there, blood and cum coming out of ass and mouth. Levi handcuffs the men before running into Eren's cell. "What happened?" Eren thinks he might as well say whatever he wants back. It won't matter because the Captain hates him anyways.

But then tears come to his eyes before he has the chance to speak. He can't hold it in this time, though. He cries and tries to hide his face while doing so. It hurts. He's been raped by strangers yet again and he's only reminded that no one cares when his Captain comes in. He can't believe he trusted Levi enough to tell the man what happened to him a month ago. 

When Levi walks in on Eren getting raped, he immediately worries about if Eren wasn't lying about being raped after all. He holds onto that thought.

He steps forward and Eren tries to back himself further into the wall but ends up wincing instead. He doesn't mean to scare Eren by doing that. He's just frustrated by the whole situation. So when Eren starts crying, he kneels down, trying to be on the same level as Eren so as not to be an intimidating towering figure.

He reaches his hand out and Eren flinches. He lets his hand hover for a second before putting it down. "Eren. What happened?" But Eren shakes his head. "It doesn't matter." "Eren. You need to speak to me. Whether you think it matters or not, you need to tell me who did this to you. You're belong to the military. It's a crime for them to hurt you."

Eren wants to scoff through his cries. As if it mattered any time before when he was hurt. "I was just sleeping and then- and then they came in to hurt me." He hates his stuttering. He comes out sounding weak even though he wants to come out sounding irritated and strong. 

"We need to report this to Erwin but first, let's get you fixed up by Hange." Eren remembers her cold eyes and when Levi grabs his arm to get him up, he kicks him as hard as he can. This is it, he decides. It's last second but he really can't take any of this anymore. He's truly got nothing to lose. He gets up and runs while Levi is down. He runs as fast as he can in the opposite direction. 

He runs out of the place they call home and goes to the stables. He grabs his horse and runs out of the stables just in time to meet Levi face to face. But he's on a horse. He's at an advantage. Eren high tails it out of there. No one ever really considers which horse among each other's is the fastest because the horses are trained to be able to run a minimum of a certain speed. If they run faster than that minimum, great. If not, that's fine. 

Only now does Eren really consider that Levi's horse may actually be faster than his. If that's the case, he's screwed. After several minutes, it becomes obvious that for once in the past couple months, he's got good luck and his horse runs faster than Levi's. But he's running top speed through the forest which is extremely dangerous. 

He hopes his luck isn't gone yet because he can easily accidentally get himself and his horse killed with the speed they're going. After half an hour he's distanced himself from Levi enough to the point where Levi is a dot in the distance. But he wants to be distanced to the point of not seeing the man at all. 

When he no longer sees Levi in the distance, he makes sure to not let up and keeps top speed. He can't risk Levi catching up to him. But through all of this, he feels free. And in the moment, he doesn't care if he dies. He doesn't care where he ends up. Because he's free from all of his pain. Everything that hurt him is gone. And he's never going back. 

Eren ends up in what is called the Underground of the Walls. He thinks this is the last place they would look for him at. He sighs. He can't believe he'd rather be in the Underground than with everyone else. Things have changed so, so much in the past months. If he'd known he'd end up here, he would've ran away a long time ago, before anything bad happened. 

The first thing he notices about the underground is it's dark, smells like trash, and is very dirty. He can see why Levi liked things to be clean after living here. There's people sitting on corners begging for food while there's others who look like they'd steal from your pockets. Eren doesn't see a single person who doesn't look shady. 

Eren knows that he can only trust himself. He thinks he's seen it all. There's nothing that will surprise him here. He already knows humans are cruel. But when he walks down an alley only to come across a very gruesome corpse of a person who was tortured to death, he can already feel his heart hurting.

This is life though, he has to remind himself. This is the reality of the world they live in and he needs to learn from it. So he moves forward, always on edge in case someone tries to kill him. He needs to steal a knife somewhere. He doesn't want to have to think about stealing but he does. He needs something to defend himself with. 

Many people stare at him as he walks by and he realizes it's the horse they're staring at. He realizes too late though. "Hey!" Whisper yells a voice. "Follow me or I'll kill you" a man from behind him whispers in his ear. And Eren doesn't doubt that he'd kill him so, carefully, he follows. 

The tall, buff, smelly man leads Eren and his horse into an alley where a gang of men are waiting for him. Eren doesn't know what to do but when he sees that each of them has a weapon, he realizes that there's nothing he actually can do about this. Whatever they want from him, he has to do it. "Found this kid wandering around the streets with a horse. Kid looks taken care of." 

"Check his pockets," says the tallest man in the group. The man nods his head and stuffs his hands down Eren's pockets. When he finds nothing, he looks upset. "He's got to have something on him. He's rich enough for a goddamn horse. He should have money." 

The tallest man raises his hand and Eren's kidnapper stops talking. The man gets up and walks forward, his face getting too close to Eren's. "Give us your horse." Eren would say no but these guys have weapons on them and they could have connections across the Underground that would get him killed.

He steps back after a moment, showing that they can take his horse. The men laugh and Eren wants to punch one of them in the face. "Good choice," says the tallest man. "You can go now." Eren leaves. Hopefully, they take care of his horse well. Eren wanders past many shops but doesn't go into any of them in fear that he'll be thrown out or killed. 

As he continues walking for an hour, he decides that they wouldn't want to kill a customer and that his fears were irrational. He goes to a shop where he sees some teens going into. Maybe it's a toy store, he thinks, and walks in. When he opens the door, he almost immediately leaves but a hand grabs his, pulling him back in. 

He covers his eyes. This place... It's a brothel for kids. All of them look to be a bit older than him and most are female. They each wear barely any clothes or nothing at all. This sort of shop must be illegal but the owners clearly don't care. The person who grabbed his hand leads him to a counter. Finally, he opens his eyes, trying not to look at any of the other teens' bodies. "I think he'll like you," says a female voice. Eren looks up to the voice. The one who led him in there is the only one clothed enough to be considered clothed. 

A man comes to the counter. He looks to be in his 60s or 70s. He's wearing expensive looking clothes and has a gun in his pocket. "What's your name, boy?" Eren looks at the girl for help but she just gestures for him to do as the old man says. "I'm Eren." "Are you hungry, Eren?" The man holds out some candy. Eren gasps. He hasn't had candy in years. Where did this man get such a thing?

"No. But thanks," says Eren. "You're pretty," the man says. Eren is confused. "What do you mean by that?" "I mean you could be a great addition to my workers." Eren knows what kind of work this is and he wants nothing to do with it. "Sorry but no," he says while ogling the candy. 

"I should go." The man nods. "Just know that I'll always be open to having you. I can give you anything. For favors." Eren nods and walks out. 

Four days pass and Eren is starving. The man's words come back to him. "I can give you anything." Eren shakes his head and successfully makes it two more days without food. Now he's having a hard time getting up and when he does get up, he sees black spots and feels like he'll pass out. 

There's plenty of water around the Underground but food is scarce. He's absolutely famished. He's able to go one more day hungry before his legs pick him up and walk him back to that brothel. The man is at the counter waiting for him when he goes in and offers him food. Eren doesn't even consider the consequences. He just eats and eats until his stomach is more than full. 

When he's full, he's satisfied and unlike he expected, he doesn't regret doing this. He was used constantly by Erwin when he was part of the Scouts. What difference would it make to give his body here? At least he'd be getting something out of it this time. "You realize that you're mine now?" Asks the old man. Eren nods slowly. 

Yeah. He knows. He knows that he's fucked up so bad in life that he's about to be a prostitute. He knows he is owned by a perverted old man now. And he knows no one cares. He knows it all. The man gets up. "Follow me." Eren gets up too and follows. The man leads him to a room. A nice room. "This is where you'll be loving for now on. Are you a virgin?" Eren shakes his head.

"Okay. Good. Do you have much experience?" Eren thinks so so he nods. "Even better," says the old man. "You'll start tomorrow at 8 AM. Eren is surprised that they won't start earlier. The man answers his unsaid question, "we believe in beauty sleep. Dark circles aren't favorable."

Eren nods in understanding. The man closes the door and sits by Eren's bed. He rubs Eren's thighs and puts his hand over his clothed penis. "And you understand that you're mine now?" Eren nods sadly. "Okay. You're the youngest of all of my workers. You usually have to be 16 but you're an exception."

Then, the man gets up. "Goodnight, Eren." Eren gets under the covers and blows his light out. The door closes and Eren sleeps on a comfortable bed for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. I won't drag this Underground arc out for too long. We'll soon be back to Erwin and everyone else.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens in this chapter so I'm not sure if it feels rushed. I hope not. Thanks for reading!

Levi gets back to what is currently home and gathers his squad and Hange to tell them what happened after handing over the handcuffed rapists. Hange is the first one to come up with the idea that Eren might be in the Underground. Levi sends out soldiers ahead of them and tells Erwin they're going out to find Eren before they head out themselves. 

For the first week, they find no clues whatsoever. Until on the 9th day, when they find Eren's horse being ridden by a tall, buff man. Levi throws the man off of Eren's horse and threatens him to speak. "Do you know who owned this horse?" The man answers fearfully. "Yeah. We checked his pockets and took his horse before letting him go."

Levi punches the man around a bit before taking Eren's horse and looking for Eren some more. He asks around the area but no one says they saw someone like Eren. Another week passes and Levi's walking down an alley with red lights when he comes across a shop with kid prostitutes. 

Levi's face darkens. He can't believe such a horrid place exists. He enters the shop, ready to arrest the owner of the shop. All of the kids in the shop give him weary looks. "Where is the owner of this shop?" He asks. "He's in the back." Says a mostly clothed girl. Levi jumps over the counter regardless of the teen's protests and barges into the back. There's a dining room to the left and a hall straight ahead leading to many doors to rooms. 

Levi opens each and every door and every time he finds a person having sex with one of the teens, he beats the shit out of them and asks where the owner is before continuing to find the owner. Finally, he reaches the second to last door down the hall and walks in on an old man thrusting into yet another teenager. He walks to the bed furiously and pulls the old man off only to be met with a surprised familiar face. Eren. 

"Shit. What are you doing here?" Asks Eren. He quickly grabs his clothes and puts them on before grabbing his shoes. Levi beats the man up while Eren gets dressed and when they're both done, Eren tries to run but Levi grabs onto his arm before he can leave. "What the fuck, Eren?" He asks. 

Eren kicks and swings his arms. "Get away from me. I am not going back!" Levi trips over Eren's feet and falls down on top of him. He sits on Eren and holds him down, trying to get the boy to calm down. After several minutes, he finally starts to relax. Levi doesn't loosen his grip in case he starts thrashing again. 

"Eren. We're going to take you home." He struggles at that but Levi won't let him go. "Don't you want those men who hurt you to be convicted?" Eren seems to think for a minute before shaking his head. Levi doesn't understand. "Why not?" Eren hesitates and looks down. Is he ashamed? Then, he looks to the side, still avoiding Levi's eyes. 

"Because it won't matter." "How would it not matter?" "There will be no justice. It'll just happen again. I don't want to go home. I can't handle it anymore." And Levi's back to square one. Did Erwin actually hurt Eren? "Eren. Tell the truth; did Erwin hurt you?" Eren tries to escape. 

"No! I can't answer that or else. Or else things will be worse." Levi looks down. That's answer enough to his question. "I see." He picks Eren up bridal style and carries him to their hiding spot where the horses are. Mikasa gasps and looks like she's going to cry. 

Levi orders some soldiers to go arrest the man who runs the child prostitute shop and he puts Eren in a wagon. They wait for the other soldiers to get back before riding home. 

When Eren gets home, he is taken to Hange's lab with Levi and Hange escorting him. They need evidence of everything. While Hange questions Eren, Levi leaves to go talk to Erwin. His face is stone cold and darkened. His heart feels cold. Everyone has been so cruel to Eren for nothing. 

He makes it to Erwin's office and slams his door open before silently and deadly walking to the man's desk. "What did you do to Eren?" And Erwin laughs. Laughs! The audacity. Levi's eyes are wide. He can't believe it. This is Erwin? This is the man he had put all of his trust into? 

"And what are you going to do about it?" Levi's eyes narrow and the shock on his face hardens once again. Now's not the time to be shocked. He needs to be professional. Right now, he's dealing with a pedophile who needs to be arrested. No personal feelings are allowed. He grabs handcuffs from his pocket and grabs Erwin's arm to make him stand up before putting the handcuffs on.

What makes him uneasy is how well Erwin is taking all of this. It's like he thinks he'll somehow win even though he's in handcuffs, ready to be prosecuted. But Levi won't let him win.

Eren's stay at the prostitute house was better than his stay at his regular home, even through all of the dark things that went on there. He didn't sleep with any clients and he wasn't supposed to until he slept with the owner but on the day he slept with the owner, Levi came. 

And now Eren's here, being asked questions by Hange that he'd rather not think about. The questions are very, very detailed and Eren cries here and there while explaining everything that's been happening to him for the past few months. He isn't sure when Levi had the chance to tell Hange what he figured out but he did. 

"Where else did he touch you?" She asks and he answers. "Everywhere. There's not a single spot on my body that he did not touch." Hange nods solemnly. When the questioning is finally over, Levi comes back and informs them that Erwin's arrest is a secret between him, Levi, and Hange and only the highest ranking soldiers know. 

This is to keep the reputation of the Survey Corps clean because if the people think they can't trust the Corps, then they'll have no one to trust at all which would result in panic. And Eren is glad his friends won't know. They'll only make fun of him for it.

Three weeks pass before anything at all happens. When the fourth week comes rolling around, court plans are made. Eren has no right to defend himself because he's a monster of military property but he's allowed to have someone defend him for him. 

Hange and Levi talk through who it should be and ultimately, they agree on Hange being his defender because Levi would likely lose his temper, not helping Eren's case any. 

Then comes the day for court. Eren is extremely nervous and he's taken in with handcuffs while Erwin is at the center of the room, held down by the same large pole that held Eren down when he was convincing the court to not execute him. 

Eren is so nervous that he barely processes the questions Hange is asked. First, they ask for names and why they're here. Next, they ask for the whole story according to each side. Then, they ask for evidence. 

Lastly, they ask a question pertaining specifically to Erwin's usefulness: should they jail the most important soldier for planning attacks when he could save humanity over something such as rape? Humanity needs him, regardless of the crimes he's done. 

In other words, what's more important? The Commander of all of the Survey Corps saving humanity or the mental health of some kid who was raped? It seemed like Eren was winning. It really did. Until that question came up. They need Erwin for humanity's survival. Why should they get rid of one of humanity's saviors over something that won't save humanity, such as Eren's mental health plummetting?

Everyone in the courtroom speaks their opinions to each other until the judge calls order. Eren twitches nervously. It's time for Erwin's jurisdiction. The judge - Zackery - raises his hand and says Erwin's punishment before slamming his hand down, signaling the end of court.

Eren is shocked. Utterly shocked. He didn't expect this outcome at all. And he's yet again reminded that the world is cruel and nothing good will ever happen to him again. The judge's final jurisdiction was "guilty with no punishment." Eren didn't even know such an outcome was possible. 

Levi looks beyond pissed and Hange looks like she's going to cry when they leave court. Eren feels like his whole world is crashing down on him all over again. This world serves no justice. It's a cruel world where no one will save you. 

When Levi leaves the courtroom, he is outraged. How could this happen? Guilty but no punishment? What the fuck? If this is how it's going to be, he's going to have to threaten Erwin himself so he'll leave the kid alone. 

Later in the day, Levi gets an order from the king himself. He checks the order written out on paper and when he sees what's written, all of the hope in his body and soul drains out. 'Leave Erwin alone or you will be executed as well as Eren.' 

They got him. There's nothing he can do now. If he and Eren are executed, humanity's done for and Isabel and Farlan's deaths would be for naught. Levi's stuck. Completely stuck. Because at the end of the day, the truth is that standing up for Eren and risking all of humanity while he's at it isn't worth it. 

Usually, he'd say that he could defeat anyone threatening to kill him but he knows that the king had secret weapons on his side and he has no doubt he would use them to kill him and Eren if he hurt Erwin. Oh, yes. This time, there's really nothing he can do about it at all. All he can do is stand around and watch as Eren breaks.

Eren sleeps for the rest of the day and when night comes, he hears the familiar footsteps and the clang of a key against metal unlocking his door. Erwin comes in with a smug look on his face. "You're going to have to do whatever I want forever and there's nothing you can do about it. Not even the justice system is on your side."

Eren can feel himself hyperventilate. "Now, get undressed." For an hour, Erwin touches Eren all over, appreciating the boy's soft skin and sensitive body. He almost cums inside his pants just from touching Eren all over. He feels himself getting close so he flips Eren onto his stomach and pulls his own pants and underwear down. 

Then, he thrusts into Eren more violently than usual. Eren lets out a pained groan, trying not to yell out in agony. And Eren has no choice but to sit there and take it. The realization that this is how it's going to be for the rest of his life dawns upon him.

He really can't handle all the pain waiting for him in the future. The pain from getting raped just once in a week is enough to make him feel awful, exposed, and completely spaced out and numb for days. His mind can't handle it so he deals with the pain by numbly spacing out, escaping from the world.

No one understands. He feels alone in the world. The next day, Erwin watches Eren train with his squad and when he makes a mistake, he walks over and beats Eren right there in front of everyone. Eren thought that he at least had Levi on his side but when Erwin beats him, he does nothing.

And Eren's not sure what hurts more: the fact that everyone knows what's happening and doesn't stop it or the fact that he's being beaten and raped in the first place.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end. (Please tell me if you think it ended too fast.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chap than usual. Sorry about that.

Smack! Erwin hits Eren so hard that the kid falls over. He gets up quickly, knowing that if he stays on the ground Erwin will kick him. But when he gets up, he's knocked back to the ground. Eren tries not to look around. 

He's surrounded by Squad Levi as he's being abused. They watch in what Eren would assume was uncomfortably but he knows they don't care so they're probably just silently happy. While Eren's down, Erwin quickly jumps on top of him and undoes his pants before undoing his own.

Eren panics. Surely he wouldn't rape him in front of everyone, right? But the more he thinks about, the more he realizes that why wouldn't he? No one's going to do anything so there is no point in being secretive anymore. His hand glides over Eren's body, touching and touching. 

Eren tries to put his shirt back on to no avail. Erwin's hand travels to his penis and Eren wants to plead with his squad not to look. He doesn't want them to see his penis harden. It's too private. He doesn't want them to watch as he's beyond the point of embarassment while being touched in pleasure.

So he takes Erwin's hands and tries to pry them off of him. But he's weak now and so Erwin has an advantage over him. Levi looks sick and his former friends' tears turn into sobs. Eren wonders why they're the ones crying and it almost makes him angry. But he's too busy feeling embarassed and ashamed to be angry right now.

Erwin pulls Eren's legs apart and lifts his bottom up to enter him. Eren grunts from the pain of being entered and immediately looks at everyone's reactions, scared of what they think. He sees Connie turning his head to the others so he can speak to them. 

"G-g-gross, h-huh? It's like-," he collapses, "sorry. I can't do this." Everyone dtmatically falls to their knees, following Connie. "Me either," they all agree individually and they cry loudly. And Eren wants to believe they feel bad. He really does. But he can't. Becuase he knows better now. He knows better than to think someone would give a shit enough about him being raped to feel bad. 

"Look at me," says Erwin. He pushes Eren's face to look at his own. Eren tries his best to follow Erwin's orders but his eyes end up traveling back to the tearful faces of his friends and the darkened face of his Captain. This results in him being punished. Erwin beats him while raping him after that, especially whenever his eyes travel to the others. 

Then, Mikasa gets up. "I can't do this," she says. "I'd rather die..." Then, she runs towards Erwin and Eren, trying to get Erwin off of the boy. But when she does that, Erwin pulls out a gun and points it at Eren's arm before squeezing the trigger. Eren groans as it hits him. Mikasa gasps and jumps at Erwin who now directs his gun to Eren's head. Eren passes out.

"If you get any closer, I'll shoot him dead." Mikasa runs in front of Eren, blocking the gun from his head. Erwin chuckles criminally and squeezes the trigger. She collapses on top of Eren, blood running everywhere. Panic fills the air and everyone positions themselves on the defensive, scared of who's next.

"If any of you decides to break our agreement again, you and Eren will both die." And the squad is reminded yet again that there's absolutely nothing they can do about this. Erwin has proven he isn't bluffing. They stand there, realizing there is absolutely no way out of this without killing both themselves and Eren. 

Finally, they stand down.

Eren wakes up in Hange's lab, feeling pain and pressure on his arm. He rolls over onto the arm that isn't hurt only to be met with the sight of Mikasa on a hospital bed too. He worriedly sits up, not caring about the pain in his arm, and walks over to her. 

There's a bandage wrapped around her abdomen and a large circle of blood on the bandage. She doesn't look like she's breathing... Hange comes in at that moment. Eren turns around. "I'm glad to see you're up and moving," she says. "You lost a lot of blood."

"What happened to Mikasa?" Hange's face is sad. "Erwin shot her." "What?! Why?" Hange shakes her head. "No one was allowed to talk about it so I don't know." Eren nods, hesitantly accepting the answer. He knows there's nothing he'll get out of her and makes a note to try asking others later. "I'll get going then." Hange stops him and explains how she wants him to take care of his wound before letting him go.

Eren can't take the fact that everyone watched him be raped so he cuts himself when he makes it to his cell. No one's bothered to take his blades away from him lately. Maybe they want him to successfully commit suicide. He isn't sure. All he knows is they don't care. 

Eren cuts about a dozen lacerations into his arm before he's done. He knows he just bled out to the point of passing out so he isn't sure if cutting himself would make that repeat but he never does pass out again. 

Eren daydreams of suicide all day for the next several days until the thoughts become more and more serious. By the ninth day, he's coming up with a plan on the best method for suicide. He eventually decides on hanging. One more day, he decides. One more day and if nothing changes for the better, he'll commit suicide. 

The next day, Mikasa is proclaimed better. She's alive and Eren thinks he can die peacefully with that. And today, he decides for the fuck of it that he'll ask them if they'd care if he died. When he asks, they tell him they won't miss him if he dies. Eren doesn't know why he even held hope that they would give a shit.

The day is a horrible one and Eren finds himself looking forward to tomorrow. 

When tomorrow becomes today, he brings a rope with him to training and ties it to the tree. Everyone watches, some with fear and uncertainty, others with joy. Eren brings a chair out and steps on it. Then, he ties a noose tightly and makes sure that when he wraps the noise around his neck, the knot is at the back of his neck.

He takes one more look at the world he dreads and his last tears he cries are for the times he misses. The times when he was happy. He kicks the chair and falls. He feels something dislocate in the back of his neck and blacks out. The last thing he hears are frightened screams and a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I might make a sequel where he lives and with a good ending.


	11. Sequel! (As well as extra stuff about this book and myself.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just letting everyone know about the sequel as well as talking some about the book and some about myself. Please don't feel pressured to read anything. My babbling is probably boring. Lol.

I've started a sequel to this called, "Ascension To Pergatory." I've decided I'm going to split this series into three parts: Part 1, where Eren is living in a constant state of agony not unlike the feeling Hell would cause. Part 2, where Eren ascends from feeling as if he's in Hell to feeling as if he's in Pergatory. And, lastly Part 3, where Eren finally finds his way to a state of happiness, resembling that which is similar to Heaven.

All of these books can end with the last chapter before the next. For example: You were able to end Hell On Earth with the last chapter if you wanted to. You will also be able to end "Ascension To Pergatory" with the last chapter, if you wish for the story to end that way. The same goes for the last book, of course, except the last book will somewhat tie in all of the endings together to make a full conclusion to the story.

**Extra stuff you don't have to read. It's basically just me speaking more about the story and also about myself because I'm lonely and love to talk to readers. Also, yay! I got to write this in bold! (I don't have the luxury of writing in bold or italics because I write with a writing app and I don't write on ao3, which holds the power to bold things.:)**

TRIGGER WARNING for just in case: I actually get very triggered by rape scenes and even sexual stuff. That's partly why I write it out; to get over my extreme sensetivity over it. Somehow, writing it out makes me feel better. I've been doing this as a coping mechanism since the last time I got out of the mental hospital several months ago. If you look at my beginning ff, you'd see it has no rape in them whatsoever. (Like It Doesn't Matter or Logical.)

I can't think of a single fanfic in which I have a full happy ending planned so this will be my first that overall ends on a positive note. As you may know, this ff was originally going to end at the last chapter of "Hell On Earth" but I loved writing this so much, I needed an excuse to write more. The best excuse I could make to write more of this was by making a sequel.

But every story has to have a premise and so I decided that instead of giving it the same premise as the first book, I'd give it something different to keep it intriguing. I mainly got inspiration from those of you who wanted some sort of revenge for Eren so I decided to continue this series until revenge is taken and Eren is (at least mostly) recovered.

Before I go, I want to give a quick reminder that I'm on reddit and I'm always open to talking to you on there. I have a few internet friends on reddit that I've been in contact with for months now and I wouldn't mind having more. Just ask for my reddit username and I'll give it to you. 

The only reason I'm not going to talk to anyone on facebook is because if I prove who I am, people would be able to blackmail me over my writing FanFiction and I'm scared of that happening. I'd rather no one close to me know about my writing. 

And if you're considering writing to me, I want to make a few things clear: 

If we write each other, it's to be acquaintances. I won't talk to you anymore if you try to be sexual with me in any way. 

I'm 18. Sorry, kids. (Although kids shouldn't be reading my stuff.) It makes me uncomfortable to be talking to kids online. (Anyone under 18.) I'm older and I'm genuinely not the best influence. I don't want to accidentally influence any kids in any way possible so if you're under 18, I won't keep in contact with you. (Sorry!!!!)

That's it. I just wanted to especially synthesize the "no kids" rule because I would hate to make some kid think depression is cool or something. Okay. Well, enough about me. If you guys feel comfortable with it and have read this far, could you share a little bit about you? (Doesn't have to be personal; can just be things like your favorite color or whether you write FanFiction or not or what your favorite fandoms are.) :) :)

Thanks for reading!!!!


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